The captain goes down with the ship.

The point of diminishing returns often sneaks up on us, unawares. We plod on, extending more and more effort, invest time, money and emotions into a situation; or a person, and wake up one day to find that our effort is going out at an exponential rate, but the returns have dwindled to the point that the balance is completely off.

To give is a wonderful thing; but no person should be expected to give everything. There needs to be a replenishment of self, of happiness.

It’s so easy to get caught in the spiral; to extend just a little bit more with each crisis, to roll up your sleeves and chuck in something extra when the situation warrants. But some situations; some relationships go constantly down the drain and a very slow and steady rate.

It is incredibly hard to recognize this phenomenon when it is happening. And it is very easy to shrug off the words of others, well meaning in intentions when they tell you the ship has sunk and you are just doing a dog paddle to stay afloat. Titanic was unsinkable, remember?

“Don't always follow the bright lights, sometimes they ain't as shiny as they might seem. P”

She (P) is honestly the most astute and logical person I know when it comes to summing up the situation of another person, and spitting things out the other end in a blunt, but entirely correct fashion. She leaves no room for interpretation, no room for argument or rebuttal. Because she is right. Absolutely.

And yet, somehow, when it comes to herself, she buys into the romance of it all everytime. She chases that shiny light like nothing else exists.

“Sometimes relationships end because they are done. Most things don't last forever. They last only as long as necessary, to teach us something- or to bring us something we needed...even if, at times, we aren't aware there is something lacking. Me”

For a much-needed time, it brought her happiness. And she deserves happiness. Problem is, the happiness it offered is limited in scope. It’s constrained by othering things, other people, and theres nothing she can do to conquor those things. They are unmoveable rocks, the fioundations on what makes him him.

She has trouble living in the here and now of a relationship. Love is like that; it sweeps you up in the headiness of it all, and logic no longer has a place. You can’t run a relationship when focusing on what might be, what could be…what you want it to be. The only way to maintain balance in a relationship is to appreciate it for what it is this day, right now.

Is it enough? Can you go on, knowing that this is what it is? Don’t account for all the “what if’s”…focus right now on what IS?

To constantly expect things to live up to the unreal expectations that you set for it, based on the ideal thing you wish it was, you set yourself up for failure. And every time something goes wrong, it is easy to overlook the simple fact that what went wrong never actually was in the first place. It is an alternate thing, a reality removed from the one smacking you in the face. It’s not an always and forever, white picket fence sort of deal. It can’t ever be that.

There will always be external forces beyond your control. There will always be kids demanding time, there will always be work, there will always be a life outside of the rose-tinted romance.

I watched my own personal Titanic go down while sitting in P’s bathtub some years ago, snotting and bawling while she talked me through it. I grasped at every possibility, every external factor, every variable I could imagine. Anything, just to make it work like I so desperately wanted. But nothing I could have offered would have been enough to keep it aloat.

When you strip it down to the bare essentials, P, is it enough? Forget the dreams of him coming home to a clean house, a cooked meal, and a naughty smile. Is it enough to be forever living for those few precious moments snatched between other concerns?

Because this is the way it is. And it is the only way you can count on it ever being.