Before the Dawn

Coffee in the darkness.
Before the sounds of traffic overtake the cricketsong.
Navigate through sleepy streets to the shoreline.
Before the sun peeks over the horizon.
The gentle whisper of small waves as the tide rolls in.
Before the joggers brush past, filling the air with the smell of their sweat.
The receeding lights as fishing vessels make their way out to sea.
Before the packs of cyclists rumble past shouting training commands .
The smell of the salt air.
Before the chattering of the lorakeets overpowers the mournful cry of the sandpiper.
The dew on the grass catching the streetlights.
Before the mothers with prams descend, clutching their lattes like lifelines.
The skittering of crabs in the half light.
The world laid out before me, ready to be seized.
This is how I like to start my day.
Nourishment for the soul.

Kismet

When you encounter something by chance that seems like it was meant to be, then it could be kismet, your destiny.

When I was younger, situations like this used to worry me sick.

Every few years, fate does this wonderful little trick with my life, where it scoops everything up like dice in a cup and shakes me all around. I'm in one of those moments now, rolling around in a big ol' plastic tumbler, getting glimpses of the light over the edge of the cup now and again, and occasionally feeling a little seasick amidst the chaos. It could be a couple of weeks, a couple of months, or a year before the cup chucks my dice out. All I know , is they are going to land in a pattern completely different.

A year from now my life will not be the same as it is now.

 I'm going to be made redundant. no Idea when- again, a month from now or a year from now, no one has the answer. I've not looked for work, as Tiff is looking for work in both Sydney and Melbourne. We've decided to take this opportunity and make the move we have been contemplating making 18 months from now anyhow.

We're trying to get pregnant. We had been calmly doing so for four months now, and had been thinking of moving in 18 months or so to give us plenty of leisurely time here with easy access to the wonderful wanker that is our sperm donor. But now, with recent changes, everything is on hyperdrive. Now we are trying with both of us, and its a race to see who can get knocked up first. Of course, we don't ovulate on opposite weeks, oh no, we ovulate mere days apart, necessitating two 45 min drives each night to and from donors place for collection. For a whole week. Poor guy will be sore and in desperate needs of a rest come Sunday. Yes, we have indeed contemplated the notion that we might both wind up pregnant. And giggling at the prospect of sumo-style belly bumping.

Our lease runs out in two months, and so the agent is putting pressure on us to re-sign. Which we don't want to do, as we hope to be moving. And they have done us the delightful favour of increasing the rent on an already dearly priced home by $30 per week. To sign or not to sign? Moving costs will wind up being about the same as staying and paying extra per week, The real crux of it is we don't want to be locked into staying for 8 more months when Tiff might get an interstate job offer.

All this turmoil. Decisions to be made, and things left up to chance, or dependant on the actions of others.. Waiting on the universe to show us her hand.

And in the midst of it all, I am not anxious. I am not worried. I am not stressed.

I feel oddly isolated from it all. My soul is resting in the eye of the storm, doing deep breathing exercises. Gathering strength for what is yet to come.

Bring it, bitch. I'm ready for what ya got.