I'm at that breaking point again; where the pressure of being so many things to so many people is building up and every little task seems like a monumental mountain.
You know what I mean; full time employee. Cleaner. Cook. Buyer of presents. Laundress. Chauffeur. Proofreader. Researcher. Personal assistant. Doer of homework. Trip planner extraordinaire (don't even get me started on the bloody trip planning). Ebay seller. Fucking car mechanic. Vet. Sex kiten. Bill payer. Shopper.
The never ending, constantly increasing demands for my time, my energy, my very fucking lifeforce.
I want someone to step in and start doing things for me. I want an entire week wherein I can pass on every task, big and small, to someone else. One week where I never have to hear the sentence "could you please......" or "Where is my..." or "have you..."
Do it your goddamned self...are your legs broken? I don't know where it is, keep track of your own possessions, and no, I bloody well have NOT. It's hardly an appropriate, expected, dignified, fair, or even called for response. But holy fucking hell, have I ever THOUGHT of such things.
I feel as though I am expected to know the answer to every question, there whereabouts of every item, the perfect solution to every problem....and to do it all with a grateful smile. The pressure is overwhelming me. I'm drowning, and I seem to have missplaced my snorkel.
I'm a strong person. I have huge shoulders, and am used to lots being carried thereon. I even enjoy being relied on. I like feeling usefull. It gives me purpose, and great satisfaction. I like feeling needed.
But good god, there are times when it all seems so huge. Like even one more tiny request is going to result in my screaming or falling into a crying heap.
I want help, but I am a perfectionist bitch for whom anyone else's effort would not be enough, and I would wind up redoing it anyhow.
I'm losing the ballance, and I need to bring everything back into perspective, but I don't know how to make it right. I feel overextended in every direction, and yet, I know I can't quit (anything) or it will go undone...and in all likelyhood require more effort to fix further down the track as payment for neglect.
Anyone have a slave they can lend me for a few weeks?
4 comments:
:O
*scurries away*
Heee! You've not been doing bad at all on the travel planning front...thank you again btw!
You can borrow Anthony if you want. He's not very useful at the momemt due to buggered up hands, but you can always kick him for your amusement when things get too much to deal with. >:)
Diz
xxx
I would gladly volunteer but it would seem that I have become the property of the School of Graduate Studies and my time is no longer my own, perhaps if you could email them and ask?
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