Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice!

A few mornings ago, i stumble, hungover, bleary-eyed and cranky into the bathroom at stupid o'clock in the morning (ok ok so it was like 9 or something. But when you are out till 5 thats a fucking stupid time to be up. My neice is to blame), curse aloud as i stub my toe and fumble with the shower settings.

Standing in the middle of the room, looking for all the world like the living dead, on my feet but not alert and functioning only on the most basic levels. Waiting for the water temperatures to level out before stepping into the shower.

Try to pull a towel from the shelf, watch helplessly without reacting as the whole stack slips off and cascade onto the floor, in a riot of pastel colours that offends my eyes. Kick them all to one side cause i know if i bend to retrieve them i will wind up on the floor in an ungainly mess of arms and legs.

Once floor space is relatively free of terrycloth, i turn to the shower..glancing down at the floor, the whole scene changes in about 0.002 seconds.

On the floor is a beetle. I don't like bugs. I like bettles even less. I can handle bugs ok, providing i see them well in advance of them reaching me...that is i contain my reaction and can even work up suitable braveness to remove offending creature from premises.

This particular morning, however, my wits are not present.

I squeak, and immediately begin flapping my arms about while squacking and dancing a statico beat on my tippytoes in an effort to avoid the monsterously hideous creature.

The bathroom here is not only tiny, but it was built long after house, and long after plumbing was sorted. Which means the tiny bathroom has three levels of flooring, in order to compensate for the pipework.

In all my flailing about, i had forgotten this fact. I manage to step off the edge of the floor.

Tipping over backwards, it all went wrong. In one of those surreal moment, time slows down and i fall for what seems like forever, waving arms in a blured cartoon fashion in an attempt to counteract the very laws of gravity.

To no avail. I land, arse into the clothing hamper, legs and arms straight up the air, folded over like a giant paperclip. On the plus side, my legs do still fit behind my ears, i discovered.

I actual sit still for a moment, taking in the sound of the shower, ears prickled to see if i have woken others. Then i remember that i am locked alone in the room with what is surely a killer beetle, and my brain becomes more alert.

Must get out of this death trap disguised as a plastic clothing bin.

Easier said then done. I am truely stuck...i cant get purchase on anything, and i cant bend elbows enough to get a grip on the bin to lift myself out.

I would go into a gigglefit at this point, cept i am panicing about the bug getting me. Verging on the hysterical, i force myself to get a grip and think.

Stetching my neck, i can sort of peer around one knee and the ankle of the other foot, lowering my shoulder carefully, and try get a glimpse of the beetle. It is nowhere to be seen, and i feel like a total fool.

Reason has set in once more.

I still need to get myself out of the hamper, though.

The bathroom has begin to fill with steam, and i do relax enough to finally start giggling. I wish i had a camera. Beter yet, i wish i was still living in my previous live feed fully webcammed apartment of a couple years back. Pure gold, this one.

Striking on the solution, i begin rocking back and forth. Tipping side to side 4 or 5 times, i manage to get enough momentum to tip the basket and me over sideways.

Great. Brilliant. Now i am stuck in a plastic bin over on its side, with my face mushed onto the floor, nose pressed sideways in a painful fashion...and i need to pee from all the giggling.

It takes another few minutes of back and forth wiggling before i manage to extract the nikki from the plastic, and dash for the toilet.

Once sitting, relieved to not be peeing on myself, i look down at the floor.

The glossy "beetle" i had spotted that started this whole thing?

Was my own toenail, painted black.