Turkey Basters

Yesterday's post really was a joke,it was not day two, we are several weeks into the process of daily checking, and we ARE impatient, but we are relaxed, happy and excited .

So it turns out tiffs sister went through IVF with her husband to get their daughter. She was, therefore, particularly happy and supportive when we told her we have a donor and were going to start trying for a kid. After much squeee-ing and congratulations, she took a sip of coffee and then a deep breath and said "I've gotta ask- its a really personal thing, so say no if you are not comfortable"

I'm laughing at this stage as we'd already had the discussion around friends and family who would be asking graphic questions, and how we'd handle it - (frank disclosure in most cases)- we understand that people are naturally curious, and it is not everyday you are close enough to someone to ask the question.

Tiff; "yeah, sure, go ahead"
Sister;"So are you going to try naturally, or go through a clinic?"
Tiff; "Neither-we're going to take the product home in a cup and do it ourselves"
Sister (with a delighted sound) "Turkey basters?! People actually DO that?!"
Me "Well not actually a turkey baster- there's a bit too much air in a baster, yanno"
Tiff "Yeah, its just a syringe".

We've actually been asked about turkey basters by most people now, and no one seems to think about the overkill aspect, but I expect their will be a few cracks made at our x-mas gathering this year when I actually DO have to baste the turkey.

So; the mechanics (for us);
We monitor Tiff for hormone spike to determine ovulation, then for the next three days drive to the donors hour for a coffee and visit with the family. At end of visit, donor leaves room, probably with his partner for assistance, and returns with a DNA sample in a medical sample jar.

We say our goodbye and leave, with jar nestled between my tits.

Why there? Two reasons- one- sample will keep for two hours at body temperature. Two; Donor- a close mate for years has determined that if he does not get to at least do this the fun way, he at least gets to delight in the idea of his junk on my tits.

It's a small price to pay :)

At home, cosy and comfy in our own surroundings, we use a syringe to deposit the sample literally at the cervix opening.

Then, all that is left to do is remove syringe and ensure Tiff has a good time with external help.

Then she stays still for 15 minutes or so.

At home insemination has a good success rate in part because you can be more relaxed then in a clinical environment. Some people still chose the clinic route because it is essential for them to have a impartial witness to confirm there was no sex between the donor and the mother.

The donor will also help us by freezing samples before he gets his vasectomy in a year or two. Using a bank for storage means a yearly storage fee, and a mess of paperwork to cover what happens to the sample it is not used by us. In our case, if we don't use it , it will be destroyed. Our donor is very adamant that he is donating only for our use.

I think that's the basics. But if I've missed something, ask- we're happy to answer.

Day Two.

Still not ovulating.

Heather has two mommies.

There is a baby, maybe two in my future. Tiff and I have decided now is the time to start trying.

She will carry- I've already had a miscarriage, and at 39 I'm not the wisest choice, not when Tiff is just 32 with no known issues.

We have a close friend who's offered to be donor, and we plan self insemination at home by ourselves. The donor will also contribute to a sperm bank on our behalf in 18 month or so when he has a vasectomy- he is already father to several and his partner would like to stop taking the pill as a means of not having more.

 The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of planning. Tiff has removed her implant, we've seen the GP, started her on a folic acid supplement.

We've a referral to a lesbian Obstetrician at the Mater Hospital, which is good, as we will be going interstate to NSW for the birth, and Tiff has already decided the Mater in Sydney is where she wants to give birth. We still need to find an interstate Dr willing to coordinate with the Brisbane ones leading up to the birth.

Why the travel for birth? In NSW, we can both he recognized as legal parents on the birth certificate, where in Qld, that is not possible. It's vital to us that we have equal recognition, so Tiff will take the last month of her pregnancy and spend it in NSW. With 43 flights between Brisbane and Sydney a day, and me working next to the airport, I'll just have a bag packed and be ready for a call in the first weeks, then spend the last week down there with her.

We've dreamt big, and have picked out nursery furniture, though we have stopped short of complete madness by not dropping 3 grand on furniture before we are actually pregnant. And a ridiculous amount of punk/goth clothing on a wishlist. We've both agreed we wish to go fairly unisex- though not to the extreme of those who try to raise a genderless child. We have names picked out.

We are impatient, excited, and utterly terrified:)