Tuesday, February 22, 2011

A year in review.

The Year of the Tiger 2010 (ending on Feb 2nd, 2011) is a Yang Metal year, and it's a year of much activity, drama, changefulness, crisis, and unpredictability. Tiger years are associated with political and social instability or upheaval. Metal is not a very compatible element for Tiger (Tiger prefers Wood and Fire), and thus 2010 is expected to be challenging and turbulent overall.
(from; http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/chinese_2010_horoscope_year_of_tiger.html)

I don't pay attention to horoscopes and the like- but holy hell, was the Chinese "year of the Tiger" true to form or what?

it was a year of immense change for me. For the first time ever, I willingly and actively cut ties to several friendships- those that know me will know how rare it is for me to walk away form someone once they are in my inner circle. I protect friendships fiercely. But I've grown to accept that friendship like everything else in life, must find a happy balance to be sustainable. I've used up so much of myself in my own relationship these past few years there was little left to go around, and so I culled those who were costing me more emotion then I could afford- those that cost me to much with little benefit in return. I'm taking back my right to chose who I expend energy saving.

We moved, several times, culling a small mountain of possessions each time- finally we have de-cluttered to a livable amount, and it feels bloody fantastic.

I began a relationship with an utterly remarkable woman. Possible only because I exercised true patience for the first time in my adult life.

I had my first major accident in 22 years of driving. Totally wrote off the car. Hit a guard rail going 100 Kms an hour and walked away with nothing more then bruising, a sore face/jaw and a hand full of broken bloody fingernails. Considering the guard rail was all that was between us and a drop off, and the speed we were traveling, our luck was considerable.

I realized that I have compromised in my second marriage all that I can. Poly has always been a tricky thing for me, and there are some boundaries I just cannot erase. Complete unrestricted access to other sexual partners is farther then my mind can stretch. I'm not sorry I tried it- again- I learned enough along the way to know that- once again- I need to follow my gut instinct the first time round. And so, my second husband and I have separated. I was not ready for it. It hurts like buggery, but we're striving hard to remain friends. We will see how that pans out with a little time.

A year of great loss.
A year of great change.


Absolutely everything in my life is different then it was one year ago. Some changes I saw coming, some sucker punched me when I was not paying attention. All are devastating in their own way.

And so the end of the year sees me suddenly having to shift my focus in ways I never imagined.

With great changes come great opportunity. I'm not sure I understand all the reasons for the ending of my relationships yet- But I am confident that I did all I could. Gave all I could give. I walk away with my sense of ethics intact.

I spent much of the year feeling unloved, un- appreciated, under estimate, unattractive. So it's time to say a big "screw you" to the Year of the Tiger.

I'm ready to see what the next year holds.
I'm ready to great it with a Rebel Yell.
I want to know what's down the rabbit hole.




From; http://www.chiff.com/a/chinese-horoscopes.htm

General predictions for the Year of the Rabbit

The year of the Rabbit is traditionally associated with home and family, artistic pursuits, diplomacy, and keeping the peace. Therefore, 2011 is very likely to be a relatively calmer one than 2010 both on the world scene, as well as on a personal level.

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