I became an Australian Permanent resident last week. So I've been reflecting a little on my experiences in the “Land Down Under”, and of all its quirks and curiosities.
Hates;
-Australians insist on retaining the use of French words, but completely disregard proper pronounciation of the same. For example “Debut” is used at least daily on various news programs, pronounced “deboo”. I cringe every time. Maybe that makes me a snob. I don't care. it's still wrong.
-The service industry. It completely lacks- well...service. Because there is no tipping, waitstaff simply overlook any attention to detail or even common courtesty. They get paid regardless, and any one daring to rudely point out that their work is not up to snuff would probably regret every saying anything. “So you ordered steak and got chicken? Oh well- enjoy your chicken- and we will still be charging you for the most expensive steak on the menu”.
-The heat. oh my god, the fucking heat. Paradise, my ass! It actually IS the underworld- Yes, Virginia, there is a hell- and the Devil went down to Queensland.
-Women are women. Girls are women. Female toddlers are bloody women. Tomboys just don't exist. Look around the average shopping centre, the average beach, the average playground- you can easily tell the sex of each and every baby from the age of 4 days old because the girls are completely clad in matching Oscar De La Renta handbag and shoes, and are wearing the latest shade of lipstick.
Likes;
-Australia is where the boy is.
-The beach. The ocean. Endless white sand, water warm enough to actually swim in (or fall about helplessly in, in my case), gorgeous enough to make me cry.
- Fruit, nuts and flowers that are common enough to practically be considered weeds. Mangos, Avocados, Macadamias, calla lilies- all grow in backyards without most people giving a second thought to just how good they have it.
-Taxes are built into the price on everything. No more guessing or calculating taxes on the way to the checkout. no more being caught short. What you see is what you pay. Simple.
-the breathtaking wildlife. Nothing quite compares to an early morning coffee on my deck while a flock of several hundred Gallahs sail by gracefully overhead.
- Surfers Paradise- a city that combines all the cheese of Las Vegas with a breathtaking view where city skyscrapers meets white sand beaches that stretch for miles. The glorious wrongness of strolling through the all night open malls that are patrolled equally by hookers and families out for a late night stroll with their kids in tow. Neither thinks the other are out of place.
-Traffic that merges like a zipper. One lane merging into another simply means that the far furthest in front has right of way. None of this waiting on the side of a freeway waiting for a break in traffic cavernous enough to let a car go from 0 to 100- you simply math speed of traffic on the on-ramp, and traffic actually accommodates your entry smoothly.
-The fact that my accent is considered “Exotic”. I've been harassed on several occasions to read simply so I could be listened to. It is a surreal thing to run into a convenience store at 4 am after a night of clubbing to be held up for ten extra minutes, simply to read the ingredients on a package of hot dogs for the clerk or sits enraptured at your every word.
- An economy that has been growing steadily for so long that an entire generation of Australians have grown up not only hoping to achieve all their dreams- but with the security that anything really is possible. No, not even possible- but expected. It's resulted in a delightful positive, laid-back, devil-may-care attitude that is infectious. Que Sera, Sera indeed.
-Australia is where the boy is.
Australia. It seems I love it more then I hate it. But its still not pronounced deboo.
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